Sunday evening and my boyfriend physically wrestled a bowl of leftover mashed potato from my grasping hands. “Why are you still eating?” he yelled. It was a good question. I’d already put away a giant steak, cabbage and an already hefty mound of potato so technically I should be full. And I was, I’d been a right little piglet that night. But it was fear making me do this. The fear that it’d be THREE WHOLE DAYS before I got to chew actual food. You see, I was about to embark on a 3 day juice cleanse with Press London.
As much as the whole ordeal terrified me, I couldn’t help but get excited when the Press London box arrived at my door. After all, who doesn’t like getting packages in the day of ‘digital presents’. I was also rather alarmed – there were a fair few bottles and I wasn’t sure our fridge was quite prepared for this arrival. A quick inspection and half an hour later, the 32 bottles (8 a day) were safely lined up like healthy soldiers on the bottom shelf.
Never having done a juice cleanse before, I decided to jump straight in at the deep end and do Tier 3, the one that was for juice aficionados. This meant 800 calories a day (the calorie count is marginally higher for Tier 1 and Tier 2). Whilst I had many questions running through my head (for example, would I literally die if I didn’t eat anything? And how can anyone expect to function properly on 3 days of liquid?) the most pressing one was with all this green juice I’d be eating would my poo be green?!
Day 01:03 – The Exploratory Phase
This, I found, was where my excitement peaked and a lot of realisations happened. Excitement because I was trying all these new juices! The realization that after your 2nd green juice of the day, YOU CAN HAVE ENOUGH GREEN JUICE. As someone who relishes thinking about what I’m going to eat next, you can imagine how disappointing it is to suddenly remember that not only are you going to eat anything but you don’t have any choice over what you’re going to eat next, even if you don’t quite fancy it. It made me grumpy. I was also slightly alarmed at the first juice of the day; Chlorophyll juice tastes marginally better than spirulina and is by no means appetizing as the first thing you drink. What happened to breaking us in gently?! The end of the day arrived and I was surprised to discover I wasn’t that hungry – it did help perhaps that I started late – for some reason I didn’t actually start my juices until mid-morning. And oh, the cacao leche is a total dream! It somehow made everything ok. FEED ME MORE.
Mood: Surprisingly upbeat
In a nutshell: 8 juices is quite a lot to get through in a day
Day 02:03 – Busyness is the key
I’ll admit, my day started off grumpy. The main reason? My boyfriend was eating hot cross buns dripping in butter IN MY FACE. It smelt amazing. And it wasn’t even that I could eat them if I wanted (a) it’s packed full of gluten and b) butter = dairy = the devil. For me anyway.) I saw on the sofa with my GreenHouse Juice (Kale, Spinach, Celery, Romaine, Cucumber, Apple & Lemon and yes, it did taste good but it wasn’t real food).
I decided to head down to the North London Buddhist Centre for a spot of yoga. I needed to get my zen back. Thankfully, the yoga class was about as energetic as a sloth race; I think I did more exercise just getting there. There was no chance of me feeling weak and feeble after. I downed another juice and headed into town for meetings. Keeping busy is most definitely the key.
Busyness is definitely the key to a juice cleanse. I was quite thankful for it actually as it meant I didn’t have to think what I was going to eat and just focused on getting stuff done. Again, the highlight of my juice day was the almond leche. It was almost as good as the cacao, but come on, you can’t really trump cacao.
Mood: Would have been grumpier had I not been so busy.
In a nutshell: Don’t even tempt yourself by looking at food, let alone sniffing it.
Day 03:03 – Juice Jealousy
I woke up today feeling a tinge of sadness. Dare I say it, but it’s quite fun this juice cleanse malarkey. I was also feeling quite energetic, surprisingly. And my stomach was flatter than it had been in a while. I was almost reluctant to eat real food again, after all, who has time to eat?! And it did feel like anything I ate would just go straight to my tummy.
Another busy day so I didn’t have too much time to think about the juices. It was definitely a good idea to take them with me, especially as I’d forgotten that on the first day and had to go too many hours without any sustenance. Again, I savoured the cacao leche (so long cacao leche, my friend!) and I even looked at the Chlorophyll with fondness. But I wouldn’t be sad to see that one go.
A quick peek on Twitter alerted me to the fact someone else was just starting the Press London Juice Cleanse too. I was rather jealous, it had been less hard than I thought it would be and I certainly never felt hungry. Empty, sometimes, but not hungry.
Mood: Nostalgic for the cacao leche I wouldn’t have tomorrow.
In a nutshell: Juice cleanses are actually quite convenient, fun and a good way to reset the way you think about food.
Day 04 – Post Juice Cleanse
I woke up, unsure of what to have for breakfast. I could have anything yet nothing sprang to mind. It turns out I shouldn’t have bothered; with all this pondering I ended up rushing out the house, breakfast-less.
Lunchtime came and good lord, what a spread they’d put on. I ate. Everything.
My Juice Cleanse Rules
- Press London also provide some excellent rules but I thought I’d add to them with my own words of wisdom:
- Make sure you drink plenty of water, even if you feel like you never want to drink anything every again. Believe me, you can get dehydrated more easily than you think.
- Have a juice roughly every 2 hours to avoid juice overload.
- Follow the order of the juices. There’s a reason for this.
- Cancel any events you’ve got planned whilst on the juice cleanse that involve free food. It’ll only leave you salivating like a rabid dog and people will think you’re weird.
- If you’re out for the day, for goodness sake, do not forget to take a supply of juices with you. Otherwise you will probably die of hunger or start chewing someone’s arm if HANGER gets to you first.
I’m writing this whilst on an all-inclusive holiday in Egypt. To give you an idea of what’s on offer, breakfast options include omlettes, fried eggs, pancakes (with a choice of honey, jam, beef bacon), cereals, fruit, chicken sausages, beef sausages, chipped potatoes, fruit, falafels, beans in tomato sauce, beans in a black sauce, all sorts of bread, cheese, ham… there’s more but I think you get the picture. I’m ashamed to admit, I’ve not held back (unless it had gluten or dairy in) and both my fiancé and I are feeling a tad porky. I actually can’t think of anything better than going on a post-holiday juice cleanse. Even the boyfriend (who is getting more and more metrosexual every day – he even had a pedicure and his eyebrows threaded whilst on holiday) seems keen. Oh, and yes, it was green.